Monday, September 23, 2013
When God Doesn't Speak
I rarely spend any time free from outer stimuli. Meaning I never unplug my headphones (except when my wife asks me, which is rare) or disengage from the Internet when I have a moment of free time. I'm usually up to my knees in the world of the New Testament or doing married stuff (shame on you if your mind went there) to really consider much else.
It hit me a few weeks ago int he midst of the height of wedding tension, that I hadn't heard from God in weeks or even months. The last time I did, it felt like I caught the first sniff of the autumn smoke before it vanished. Vanished rather quickly, but lingered enough to let me know what I've missed.
I hadn't considered this in great detail, aside from several posts in the past, and I want to maybe consider some new ideas here.
My main thought has to do with necessity. I don't need to speak with my wife to tell her that I love her; as in any good relationship, conversation is most helpful but not always needed.
Maybe this is the same thing.
Like I mentioned above, the faint scent of loss reminded me of what I had lost, what I had experienced and what I enjoyed about such things. I remember good times in venting and ranting about my own little problems as well as bad times involving. . . well. . .venting and rants. I remember praising God and I remember swearing upon his name.
Now, it is an odd feeling to be okay with silence, to be okay when he doesn't speak to me. Lest it get twisted, I'm not on the slippery slope to atheism; I am, however, pondering God's relationship to me, and my relationship to him.
Is it based on conversation, or do we know enough of each other that words are no longer needed? You can know your wife's need so well as to not need to say anything, yet those words can make or break an anniversary dinner date.
Maybe this is similar.
God doesn't need to speak to be heard. That's a haunting thought for me in hindsight. I've always been under the impression that unless I'm hearing his voice, I'm not doing the right thing. Until now, its comforting to consider that I can sense love without him needing to spell it out.
Still. It would be nice to hear from him.
But I can feel him in my wife's embrace, in the handshake from my groomsmen, and in the sacrifice of my family for myself and Allison.
Are words needed in prayer? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe. Just maybe.
How about for you? And welcome back to my blog. :)