Wednesday, January 15, 2014
5 Things to Know about the 5 Things You Should be Doing
1. You should be doing more. Do this by sharing everything on Facebook. This will include several things: post-Kony material, Justin Bieber' s coke bust, apologists snarking at atheists, and if you are duper wise, something about being better. Like drinking coffee without the black ink.
2. You should care more. If you didn't care, we wouldn't know this without your telling us. Nevermind the updates or comments, we really don't know. So you should know.
3. You Should Do less. If you don't work as hard, other people will stop working. If you don't work, then the world falls apart. Without the world, we are less likely to breathe. So, you should do less as a means of population control. Its humane, you doing less.
4. You Shouldn't care. Because if you truly did care, you wouldn't waste time on the Internet talking about what you care about. Instead, you would grab coffee/scotch/ with the person that you care about. So, by not caring, we are illustrating relational love.
5. You should add numbers. MOAR numbers make things run. But make sure they are positive; the government is saying a lot of things about negative numbers and I'm starting to see pigs flying.
Yes. This was intended as satire.