Lewis Black, "The Art of Writing"

“All you had to say was, 'I am a writer,' and you became one. You didn't even have to write anything. You could just sit in a coffee shop with a notebook and stare into space, with a slightly bemused look on your face, judging the weight of the world with a jaundiced eye. As you can see, you can be completely full of shit and still be a writer...I also thought it was going to be a great way to meet girls, but it wasn't--probably because as I was staring into space, I no doubt looked mildly retarded. You see, I wanted to write plays, which in retrospect is a lot harder than learning Mandarin, I think. How I ended up in this delusional state shall be saved for another time.” 

--Lewis Black

The Daily Lewis Black

This is Grand Theft Auto 3. The object of this game, WHO CARES? I'm too busy randomly hitting an old lady with a bat, carjacking a station wagon and running over people, or, my personal favorite, running over the person whose car I just stole, WITH THE CAR I JUST STOLE! Now, THIS is a video game! Rescuing the princess is for PUSSIES!

For my boy Chance. Get better man!


--Lewis Black

The Daily Lewis Black, "Enron"

"You don't want another Enron? Here's your law: If a company, can't explain, in ONE SENTENCE....what it does....it's illegal."

--Lewis Black

The Daily Lewis Black

"My mother may watch Glenn Beck. Because I think as long as there's reason to be pissed, my mother will stay alive."  

--Lewis Black

The Daily Lewis Black, "Whoever's in charge. . . ."

"I do have certain feelings [about politics]. My feeling is that whoever is in charge, I want him out." --Lewis Black

--Nick

The Lewis Black Today

This is dedicated to Chance. One love.

"We have a two party system: the Democratic party, which is a party of no ideas, and the Republican party, which is a party of bad ideas. And the way it works is, the Republican stands up in Congress and goes, "I got a really bad idea." And the Democrat says, "And I can make it shittier."" --Lewis Black.

--Nick 

The Daily Lewis Black

“Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas.”
--Lewis Black

ps -- I prefer a little more bang, but this will do.

--Nick

The Daily Lewis Black

“That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone. ” 
--Lewis Black

The Lewis Black Today

“Jerry Falwell said that the reason that September 11th happened, the reason that God allowed it to happen, was because of certain people in our country. People like, and I'm quoting, 'the pagans,' which is a motorcycle group. Feminists; he brought up feminists. [...] And I couldn't believe it, he said that God had actually talked to him and said, these were the people. That was the reason. It was those people, and that was the reason God allowed this to happen. And I thought, 'That's odd.' Because God had called me twelve hours before, and He said the reason He was upset was because of people like Jerry Falwell.”


--Lewis Black

The Lewis Black Today

“In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants.” 
--Lewis Black


I personally think we're already adapted a predilection towards chlorophyl. Nom.


--Nick