Sunday, March 11, 2012

7 Reasons to vote for Mickey Mouse in 2012


1) If South Park is any indication, he won't suffer fools or boy bands. Thus, he will not allow any harm to befall those he cares about. Provided we all have shares in Disney.

2) He's in favor of big business. Let's face it gents, business versus military. Though Mickey is not opposed to physical violence to prevent other violence, it seems he'd prefer sitting back on his ass and making money. The ultimate capitalist. He's also quite excessive, having an entire multi-billion dollar industry based on him.

3) He's in favor of same-sex marriage. This will appeal to Blue State voters. He would also charge them a lot to get married.

4) His perspective on religion is mixed. At best he is an agnostic who dislikes the interference of personal faith in the business sector. He is all about the benjamins.

5) He is most certainly objectively NOT a racist. At best, he was young when he had a few youthful indiscretions. Now, he's overcompensating. Which is good. More jobs for everyone.

6) He supports Kony 2012.

7) He would NEVER cheat on Minnie. Not for all the tea in China. He's already purchased it and has outsourced it to Mexico, all the while enforcing a strict border policy.

--Nick

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