Saturday, June 14, 2014

New Seminarian: Lines I May or May not Have Written in Scholarship Apps

I have filled out over a half dozen scholarship requests for financial aid. In each case, I wrote down a few terrible lines that I knew would get me in trouble. So I didn't put them in the app. Except for that one app. You know who you are.

The most frequently asked question is: what will you do with your scholarship funds? Included are my alleged responses to said application question:

Them: "Nick, you handsome man, what will you do with your scholarship funds?
Me: "The same thing I do with all my scholarship monies...try and take over the world."

Them: "Nick, what will you do with your scholarship funds?"
Me: "With the $500 dollars, maybe pay off a unit of tuition. If I'm lucky to get that."

Them: "Nick, what will you do with your scholarship funds?"
Me: "Jump up and down and blow it on a second-rate bottle of champagne. Gangsta 4 Lyfe."

Them: "Nick, what will you do with your scholarship funds?"
Me: "Put them in a pile and roll around in it like I'm Scrooge McDuck."

Them: "Nick, what will you do with your scholarship funds?"
Me: "The same thing I will do if offered a Klondike bar. Just ask your mother."

Them: "Nick, what will you do with your scholarship funds?"
Me: "Do the truffle shuffle."

Them: "Nick, what will you do with your scholarship funds?"
Me: "...I'm getting scholarship funds?!?!?!"

I don't understand why they haven't gotten back to me yet.

*snicker*

--Nick

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