A Blogging Update and Funny Comic (Because You Care So Much)

Howdy everyone. My apologies for not blogging (because your life revolves around this publication) as of late. As I mentioned a few posts back, I'm in the process of getting married and as such things go, the energy requirments are high.

So here is a funny picture to make up for it. Garfield Minus Garfield.

Your regularly scheduled program will likely pick up within the next week or three. I may have some posts about Systematic Theology, women in ministry or just some beer reviews.

:)

--Nick

She Said Yes.

Friday night, May 2013, I proposed to my girlfriend.

Its actually a four year story. It involves a swing set, Trinity Evangelical Divinity School, chance, fate, predestination and yet another swing set.

Allison and I first met at Biola during her last semester, and we decided to give this entire relationship thing a try. Neither of us have any past real relationships, so this was all just a first. We paired off during the Summer and kept our relationship going through almost four years of near constant separation. I won't lie and say it was easy, because it surely wasn't. After what she had to go through with Westminster, it became a struggle to keep our relationship from dissolving.

But, we had many wonderful memories on that swing in the front of my house. We first watched Sunshine there. We had our first kiss there, and I think I even gave Allison her first foot rub there.

So that's the story behind the swing set.

So. Fast forward. Allison finished her MDiv from Trinity, and I got accepted to Fuller Theological Seminary. She is prepping to go to China for two weeks with her grandmother.

And I decided to do something either very stupid or very smart. Being sick and extremely tired, I cannot recall everything. But I knew what I was going to do.

I decided to propose.

Originally, I wrote an entire feature screenplay for my senior thesis at Biola (well, I wrote two; decided to write another one that I liked). I decided to write something specifically for her (science-fiction, philosophy, female action star) and that was the goal. My plan was to get her to read it, cut off the ending and replace it with a piece of paper that just read:

Will you marry me?

But Allison said she hadn't read it in time, so I had to do something drastic.

Had to do something different. With only an evening to do it.

I tagged Noel in this endeavor, and like a champ she decided to snap pictures and set up the memorable swing.

Allison's personality is very goal-oriented, and I decided to take full advantage with this. I dressed up a bit (not necessarily a first) and packed up everything and decided to propose that evening. I took an alternate route and just talked with Allison. She didn't suspect anything until we pulled into Olive Garden. Happily, we sat down to dinner. It went nicely.

Then Noel texted me and said she was going to be late. Thinking quickly, I stopped off to get gas and took Allison shopping for her trip. This is not to say that I wasn't going to shop, but they were great diversionary tactics if I do say so myself.

So, finally, I get the affirmed text and took Allison home. Mind you, I didn't have a set plan to propose, but I knew I was going to. We pulled up and I finally pointed out to Allison the candles around the swing.

Swing.

She was so stoked, she spent so much time looking at the roses and candles that when she turned, it took her a second to realize I had the ring out.

That one second of WTF was worth every second we had to wait to get to this moment.

While her back was turned, I decided it was perfect. Every little instant and sequence gave to this. Her surprise at the candles, the roses, the night out, everything.

With that, she laughed and said yes, trying to cover it up with a "Let me think about it." Then my sister came out, we took pictures and my family enjoyed popping poppers all over the damn place.

Home run.

It was a wondrous thing that happened.

And she said yes.

--Nick

What's Coming Down the Pike

Well, I've started a podcast with a close friend that will encompass quite a few things in the near future.

I've begun researching my MAT Thesis and prepping for fun times in the future. This includes Greek translation and exegesis, as well as theological insights I haven't seen in the text.

And I've begun a crippling coffee addiction.

--Nick

Dancing with Deborah

What is written below was for Thrive's ministry at Missions Conference.

  

DANCING WITH DEBORAH:

My Exodus from Patriarchy to The Liberation of Women

Nicholas Ahern

I was born to the father of one wife in the late 80s, in a Calvary Chapel denomination that prided itself on being as non-denomination as possible. By and large what my loving father dubbed “benevolent patriarchy” governed my household. At the time, I didn't know much of this and I wasn't involved in any discussion on gender or equality. By some miracle or curse, the issue of women's equality avoided me throughout high school and managed to sneak by during most of my undergraduate days at Biola University.

By the latter part of my studies, I had been dating my girlfriend and this was a vital topic for her. Though I never considered myself a proponent of "benevolent patriarchy," I was bothered when she began to mention women as pastors and how she was experiencing discrimination at one of her former schools.

So I did what all people do and went straight to the Bible to prove her wrong and bullied my way into the biblical discussion. After hearing her responses, I was without any biblical basis to exclude her—or any woman--from equal ministry. For me, it was merely an assumed reality I had attained from my background, one that I recall never esteemed a woman to preach a sermon or teach anyone over the age of 13. As a result, I took Ron Pierce’s Theology of Gender class and that was that.

This discovery lead to heated discussions with friends and family and I suddenly had a new perspective when their answers completely failed to answer my deepest questions. It is easy to ignore the cries of the minority, but it becomes insufferable when one realizes that they themselves are the minority. I decided that Scripture should have the final say and I went back and discovered something:

Deborah existed.

In all my years at church, not once had I heard about this woman, though there were stories dedicated to Samson, David and even Balam's donkey. I danced with and around Deborah for weeks, trying to figure out why she had been overlooked and where she fit into the biblical picture of women and men. Then it hit me:

She fit perfectly. Deborah wasn't the one who didn't fit in. Deborah wasn't the one who had to explain what YHWH had been doing throughout the course of human history. Deborah wasn’t the one who refused to submit to the calling of YHWH.

We’ve seen throughout history that when women are given a chance to speak, they sing and dance. 

As C.S. Lewis intoned once, I was dragged into this kicking and screaming. I now firmly believe it is time that women take up their position as co-heirs of grace, to sing and to dance in the light of YHWH’s sovereign plan to redeem all of creation, both in the home and in the church. Without their voices, there is no unity of the body and there is no place for separation between male and female in the body of Christ.

A Journey Towards Fuller Theological Seminary, and the Fear Thereof

It is a very odd sequences of feelings. It is neither chronological in hindsight or even remotely compelling as a drinking story. But, it means that the scattered memories I do have are quite intimately important.

I started off at Biola in roughly 2007, and didn't care much for my theology classes. Mostly, I believe it had something to do with with being bored and finding theology to be a stuffy business. I had scattered conversations throughout campus with maybe two people but for the most part I delegated those issues and thoughts to the back burner to make room for movies, chasing skirts and being generally an amusing little rebel.

However, it all changed when I met a girl. But that's another story, one you've probably heard before.

We were separated for almost three years, save for scattered holiday breaks when she wasn't at Trinity earning her M.Div. We talked about getting married, starting a life together but for the past maybe eight months, that back burning little section of my mind was itching. So I mentioned I wanted to go to seminary to find out what was causing the mental rash.

Allison was against it initially, but warmed to the idea when I continually expressed interest and even got into theological arguments with her (a first, but not really). So, we talked and talked and all of that, and before long, I felt the call from God to do something with my life.

So, I enrolled to become an astronaut.

But that didn't work out so I decided to get closer to God via seminary.

And so I applied to Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena for several reasons. One, I started listening to their lectures and classes on iTunes and was both impressed by the scholarship and the pastoral sensitivity. Two, I was astonished that they actually engaged with ideas I wasn't comfortable with, and finally third, I love their history. A desire to be a third voice in the world of sectarian fundamentalism and liberalism. As an addendum, I also love their faculty. John Goldingay in the OT Department; Tommy Givens, David Downs, and David Scholer (RIP) in the NT department, and Veli-Matti Karkkainen and Oliver Crisp in Sytematic Theology.

For Charlie Brown's sake, its like the old school NY Mets lineup.

Sensing a call from God, I applied and got this letter in response:

Imagine my surprise that a film major from Biola University getting into one of the top evangelical seminaries in North America. I'm not quite confident in what I want to do with my life.

At this current moment, I want to teach theology. Preferably in the Southern California area, so my course of action includes the following:

MAT in Theology and Biblical Studies at Fuller, with special emphasis on Systematic Theology, Greek and New Testament Exegesis.

ThM in New Testament as a means to expanding my NT desires.

PhD in Systematic Theology as a means to tying both biblical scholarship and theology together. I would not be opposed to flipping the emphases of the ThM and the PhD around.

So, a lot of work and hopefully, this experiment will be something more than a grand leap into the dark.

--Nick

The Cold NIght of the Soul, or Personal Liberation

In many ways, this post is a long time coming. I've been reading and researching everything from Christology, the Gospel according to Mark and eschatology. Oh, and inerrancy. Some of this is tied together, but lately something else has been on my mind.

If you've known me for any length of time, I tend to view things with a bit of an open hand. Meaning, I attempt to put forth tentative hypotheses in order to see if my ideas stand. This seems to be pretty common and I do this with most topics. However, lately, things have begun to change.

I used to be comfortable, and I think this is a deadly mindset to be trapped in.

For instance, thinking recently about the idea of a non-inerrant Bible. For someone who has never known anything else, this is a scary thought.

The bottom drops out, your skin gets clammy and you want to run and hide. This has occurred multiple times, and it has never gotten any easier.

There is a genuine fear about being "found out" or even "lost." In my nearly four years of rediscovering the biblical text and subsequently myself, I've found that much of what I presumed cannot be supported.the list goes on, but in many ways I've found that certain ideas stand out to me more.

What I found was liberation. Both theologically and spiritually.

F.F. Bruce:

The women’s liberation movement has conditioned not only our practices but our very vocabulary. But, in such an important matter as we are now considering, it would be a pity if we were influenced by contemporary world-movements in thought and practice rather than by the guidance of the Spirit, as he speaks his liberating word to men and women today through the ministry of our Lord and his servant Paul. That ministry, that liberating word, is enshrined for us in the pages of scripture: to use scripture aright is to hear what the Spirit is saying through it to the churches of the twentieth century as well as what he said to those of the first.

 --Nick

Film Award 2012: The Grease Stain Film Award

Okay. Welcome welcome. This award is given to the film that best exemplifies the following:

Greasy, artery-hardening, brain-killing, puppy-stomping, alien (both terrestrial and domestic) smashing good time. It involves a lack of writing, mediocre passable acting and an overall sense of dumb fun beyond the simple lack of good writing.

It is cheap, easy, greasy Red Box fun.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you:

Battleship.

Despite it's (major flaws), I enjoyed the piss out of this. I couldn't tell you about anything that happened beyond the vague recollection of Liam Neeson, a cute blonde girl and Pearl Harbor veterans piloting a massive naval vessel.

Actually that pretty much sums it up.

Liam Neeson. 

Thanks for watching! More awards coming up!

--Nick

The Stupid Writers' Challenge Manifesto

Well, no one really challenged me to do something this dumb, but I figure I'd bite myself and see what happens. I'm always down for a chuckle.

CHALLENGE

To write 20,000 words of my novel in a single day.

CONDITIONS

I can write for as long as I like within the 24 hour period. I can take as many breaks as I like, and can drink what I want.

I must, however, keep myself accountable and post pictures verifying the word count within a few hours of each other.

I may not drink alcohol, as that would be a reward and maybe my only motivation. 

REWARD

See the alcohol comment. :)

SPECULATION 

According to chapters written versus chapters to be written, I'm 16% complete with the first rough draft. However, this is according to chapters and doesn't take into account the scope of individual.  chapters, which can be considerably longer than most.

If I write for 8 hours total, this means I must write roughly 2,500 words an hour in order to hit 20K. This is pretty intense. I once wrote 60 pages of screenplay in a night, but that was on no sleep with enough red bull in my system to flatten WC Fields. We'll see how this goes.

REASONABLE OUTLOOK

Likely, I don't think I can do this. In maybe three hours I wrote 3,000 words. But it will hopefully jump start my mind into something better than where it is. And give me a chance to crank out a decent percentage of the novel.

This may happen this Sunday, the second of December. I shall keep you all interested.

Fingers crossed that this actually can be accomplished.

--Nick

PS -- I may do a twitter hashtag to document my status there. Maybe like #writerchallengeaccepted or something like that.

30 Days of Thanks: Day 6

After a rough couple of days, I got to witness something quite happy. At least to me, as an older brother.

I am thankful my sister stepped up, made her decisions and voted. As an older brother who is as cynical as your dead aunt, I couldn't be more happy for her. Congrats lil sis. Quite proud.

You?

--Nick

30 Days of Thanks: Day 4

I started reading Karl Barth's "Epistle to the Romans" and though I found mostly compelling, something very jarring shook me. I didn't find his treatment of Junia in Romans 16 to be compelling, and this bothered me for over an hour. I came to the following conclusion after consulting commentaries and reading Scripture:

I am thankful for the thoughts of others who keep my up in the wee hours of the morning. This keeps me alert, on my toes, and unwilling to accept bad evidence/arguments in favor of poor excuses. I also don't like to assume a priori that I am correct. Though this has lead to some schisms over the topic of inerrancy in other discussions, I think intellectual honesty is what ought to drive conversations.

I passionately believe both exegetically and textually that Barth (and others) are wrong on this one, but I most certainly think Junia is gently instructing and teaching Barth beyond the pearly gates. Knowing the very little I know of him, I think Barth is enjoying it.

For a few reasons and multiple sources on Junia.

You?

--Nick

Barth, Romans & Paul's Authority of God

Paul's position can be justified only as resting in God, and so only can his words be regarded as at all credible, for they are as incapable of direct apprehension as is God Himself. For this reason he dares to approach others and to demand a hearing without fear either of exalting himself or of approximating too closely to his audience. He appeals only to the authority of God. This is the ground of his authority. There is no other.

Karl Barth, "The Epistle to the Romans," pg 28. vv 1-2. CH 1.

Paul hasn't yet been to Rome that we know of, and the church has already been established. He is eager to stress his credibility and his calling, of that towards the Gentiles (Acts 18:6; Eph 3:1-3). His calling is manifest in his most comprehensive letter (that we know of), and he is eager to not only go to the symbolic "center of the (known) world" but he is also interested in possibly going further into Spain (Rom 15:24, 28). Much of the early church believes Paul journeyed to Spain, and we seem to have manuscripts that suggest it, such as 1 Clement 5. We don't know if Paul made it there, though Clement and other manuscripts seem to suggest that he did.

Either way, Paul claiming the authority of Israel's God and taking this to the already established (fledgling?) church of Rome was a strong example not only of a miracle (given the transportation and fiances required for such a letter, delivered by a woman no less [Rom 16:1-2 indicates Phoebe carried the letter and implies a possible teaching role as she explained the words Paul had written, though Barth accepts the poorly mistranslated 'Junias' and indicates that he is less likely to accept the role of female apostles in a footnote, "Epistles to the Romans" pg 535-36]). For strong textual/exegetical cases for Junia as an apostle, see footnote.

Either way, this commentary is fascinating (save for the unfortunate aspect of "Junias"). Especially for those interested in a more theological treatment of Romans.

For a bit of background, enjoy it here.

--Nick

FOOTNOTE

Eldon J. Epp, "Junia" (the entire book is a textual treat).
Richard Bauckham, "Gospel Women" pgs. 166-169.
Philip Payne, "Man and Woman, One in Christ" pgs. 65-7.
Cranfield, "Romans" Book 2, pgs. 788-90.
Dunn, "Romans 9-16" pg. 894.

30 Days of Thanks: Day 3

I woke up this morning feeling generally not like P. Diddy. Oddly enough, it ended up being more like a Ke$ha/Party Rock kind of morning, filled with bad hair, an annoying cat who wanted attention and wishing there was some alcohol around.

So, I'm thankful for my cat. Why? Because I tend to find love in affirmation, and him purring while licking my beard, though strange, tends to hit the spot after a rough night. Oh, and the picture of him is just after I put bacon in the pan, and he started howling for some of that goodness.

You?

--Nick

30 Days of Thanks: Day 2

While sitting at work doing some programming, I had a nice little experience. What am I thankful for?

Intellectual honesty, because without it I wouldn't ever be open to considerations I had previously ignored. Issues like women in the church, eschatology, or even the option of drinking an IPA (I used to shudder at the idea). This has made me very thankful for the people in my life who have made it very difficult to stay static.

You?

--Nick

30 Days of Thanks: Day 1

I figure I need to keep up on culture, and there is much in my life that I am thankful for.

Hmm.

The ability to be inspired and transform my thoughts into something that brings joy and closure to myself. 

You?

--Nick

Women out of Place

Allison:

Growing up I did not face gender discrimination. In fact, at my church in Alhambra and in my home the ability for women to become leaders was not argued for, it was the norm. When I had questions my dad would encourage me to look into the Bible and sort through the passages with him. Even though he gave me his position he taught me how to read the Bible for myself and to arrive at my own conclusions while drawing from other people’s strengths. He would also learn from me as I learned from him. At church my questioning of ideas was only encouraged more and I was never made to feel out of place in many of the discussions the adult men were having. Women also regularly expressed their ideas and took initiative. Our assistant pastor was female. Nothing seemed odd or out of place on that account. I was not told it was ok. The issue did not come up in my environment. All of this to say, I never got the impression that anything was out of the ordinary. I never had a gender crisis or confusion over who I was as a girl or how as a girl I fit into God’s plan. I never thought of myself as acting or thinking like a boy or not being like a girl either. Boys were different from girls, but not over which was supposed to be more active, take more initiative or lead. Even now, my church in Santa Ana has readily funded my seminary education. However, many women in the church have not had my experience or upbringing.

I started to notice that something was a bit different when in an introduction class (special class to meet people and get situated) at Biola I realized I was the only girl. I hadn’t noticed at first since I was too busy engaging in theological discussions with my classmates much as I had always done at church. It was only when the teacher arrived that we all realized we were in this intro class because we were Bible majors. The first thought that occurred to me was: “That’s why we all started talking about theology!” Next I wondered why I was the only girl in the class. The reason did not occur to me. The reason also did not occur to me later for why some people at the school treated me as incompetent (read my stories about sexism). This was generally not the case, but looking back, there were enough “isolated” incidents to make them not so isolated. What also began to be strange to me was when I would hear backhanded compliments about how smart I was—smarter than any other women the person speaking knew. I also began to hear various people describe my own theological interests as masculine. One friend suspected I was just pretending to act feminine sometimes to cover up my masculine tendencies! At the time I had mentally dismissed him as a bit out to lunch since 1) I was a female and so probably was not pretending and 2) Nothing in my previous experience told me only men did theology and debated. I didn’t know it, but the experiences of other people were shaping how they saw me and how they read the Bible.

For the rest, click here.

--Nick

Quient, "A Theology of Speaking Out"

Quient:

Just a few years ago I became very bothered by what I was reading in Galatians about Paul’s dialogue with Peter in front of the church. He called what Peter did “hypocritical” to the Gospel. His famous Gal 3:28 “Neither male nor female” passage actually comes off of his Jew and Gentile discussion. Even though Peter affirmed that Gentiles had full standing before God as fellow heirs in Christ, He was giving a different message by his actions (not eating with the Gentiles). We are limiting the gifts (female leaders) God has given to us.

We are not allowing their full participation. We are being hypocritical to the Gospel we proclaim. I did not know what to do with this realization. Frankly, I liked taking a more apathetic stance. I liked making it all about me in my heart (“I don’t want to be a pastor”). It was safe. It was comfortable. Not caring all too much also made me safe from being dismissed as “emotional” (*because everyone knows you can’t be reasonable and have visible emotions). Now what I was reading in the Bible was challenging this. If it was true that what we were doing in our churches was hypocritical to the Gospel, much more was at stake. For a while I still avoided coming out with how important I thought this was. I dwelt on the slavery issue since “slave nor free” is also in Gal 3:28 and it was safe to talk about something almost everyone agrees is wrong in hindsight. I looked at how Quaker Christians dealt with that issue in their time. Slavery was the Christian norm in their society, how did they come out and challenge it? More like, how did they bring themselves to? Many wanted to be quiet for the sake of unity. Eventually, I realized that I had to go with what I thought Scripture was convicting me of. I had to be more verbal about this issue and I had to push back more.

Many people here at Trinity know me as the person who talks about theology of gender all of the time. It might surprise many people to hear that this is not where I wanted to go with my life or what I wanted to spend so much time on. I still wish I didn’t have to. At Biola I had delved so deeply into questions surrounding the Biblical Canon, Apologetics, general theology, and church history. I still love those subjects. Now so much time is dedicated to theology of gender topics and while I love doing theology and planning events there is an ugly side of it all that I have been learning about–stuff one would expect to find only in the political arena but are happening in our churches. In addition, I am having to let this be personal and to look around and see the damage that has been done to other women and men in the church. God wants us to make other people’s problems our problem. I didn’t see the damage before even though it was all around me (maybe I will blog more on specifics later).

What is this damage? 

What have been the unintended consequences? 

Better yet, what is the church missing out on?

 For the rest, enjoy it here.

--Nick

The Hold Steady, "Lord, I'm Discouraged"

Lots of good memories behind this song. I heard it while at Biola, and it hit the spot for me. In between being theologically inept and socially self-ostracised, this song helped temper a lot of things.

And when I posted the song lyrics as my facebook status, that was the first time "she" commented.

So I have these guys to thank for that. And her.

Lord, I'm discouraged
The circles have sucked in her eyes
Lord, I'm discouraged
Her new friends have shadowed her life
Lord, I'm discouraged
She ain't come out dancing for some time

And I'm trying to light candles
But they burn down to nothing
And she keeps coming up with

Excuses and half-truths and fortified wine
Excuses and half-truths and fortified wine
Excuses and half-truths and fortified wine
There's a house on the south side
Where she stays in for days at a time

I know I'm no angel
I ain't been bad that way
Can't you hear her?
She's that sweet missing songbird
When the choir sings on Sundays
And I'm almost busted
But I bought back the jewelry she sold

And I come to your altar
And then there's just nothing
And she keeps insisting

The sutures and bruises are none of my business
She says that she's sick, but she won't get specific
The sutures and bruises are none of my business
This guy from the north side comes down to visit
His visits, they only take five or six minutes

Lord, I'm sorry to question your wisdom
But my faith has been wavering
Won't you show me a sign
And let me know that you're listening?

Excuses and half-truths and fortified wine
Excuses and half-truths and fortified wine
Excuses and half-truths and fortified wine
I know it's unlikely she'll ever be mine
So I mostly just pray she don't die 

--Nick

Pumpkin Beer, Words & Manuscripts

It's been a while since I've had such an in-depth writing session. I suppose I should clarify what is going on and what has happened to me in the past few weeks.

First, the most important part: go buy Hangar 24's Gourdgeous beer. Pumpkin pie meets a smoked strong porter. Amazing. Liquid Thanksgiving. 

I've decided to do a serialized e-book, and my manuscript is what has been first and foremost on my mind. Besides writing a feature for a friend of mine that is soon hitting production. This e-book, which I hinted at a post or two ago, deals with my three years in a movie theater (though there are fictionalized elements and material). I consider those three years foundational to who I am and what I am dealing with, as it is there that I first started fully learning of the world outside my own home.

The writing has been pretty easy. I've written over 3,000 words already including a preface, cold open and maybe the first 2/3 of the first chapter of three chapters. If one factors the outline into the work, then I easily have 5,000 words already done. I have 8 e-books roughly outlined and I think I could easily expand the series to something worthy of screen treatment.

A teaser: "Clerks" meets "Magnolia" if filtered through Judd Apatow. 

One of the most interesting things about writing is the idea of expulsion. I've noticed that once you begin to write, hit your groove and continue, it becomes easier. The words flow together, the syntax congeals and the world becomes tangible and effortless. Its like your mind takes over the narrative and it just keeps going.

I have a particular writing style my friend Jared once remarked up, dubbing it "docu-narrative." That is, I tend to write from the perspective of one character and I follow him around. Picture being a camera on a character's shoulder and that is all we see throughout the story.

This bothered me at first, but in hindsight it may be the most truthful thing about how I write. I tend to follow a character I've created and if he has enough personality, I let him walk and I just follow him.

It may sound odd, but for me it works. If I love my character, I let him do what he or she needs or wants to do.

In doing this, the character not only has to be interesting throughout, but has to also keep me satisfied. I dislike it when I start to write and I cannot stand my character. This prompts a few responses, with the usual one involving the abuse of the backspace key.

Or more often than not, I keep writing. Maybe that is the key. Just write. It becomes easier to go back and rework what is already there than it is to stare at a blank screen for a few minutes.

Expulsion. Just get it out and reflect later.

It gets easier, but it won't ever be as fun as knowing what you love, what you hate, and what works. Writing most often than not doesn't work. It simply doesn't.

But if we love something, we keep going. Or if we hate something, we keep going. Which makes me chuckle.

So, I look forward to this journey. Maybe it might lead somewhere fulfilling. Or maybe it will just help me sleep better.

Good night.

--Nick

Scented Candles, Therapeutic e-books & A Double of an IPA

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A Wonderful Night in Hell

The day began pretty poorly. Woke up not feeling like P. Diddy, with a deflated bank account, a tight schedule that involved getting the car tires changed and generally feeling like a hypocrite for eating at Chik-Fil-A.

First world problems.

Anyway. I met up with my close friend Jared at the Amc 30 around 3:30 to meander around, engaged in conversation. As usual, the topics revolved around theology (both doctrinal and practical), film (including discussion on Avengers and Brave) and finally on personal notes. Sipping an industrial size coke and sitting outside the Alcatraz Brewery just talking was something I missed, so already my day was turning into something great.

I could only imagine it would stay as good. I was pleasantly surprised.

I had already seen Hellbound? in a screening, so my concern mostly was in the experience of sitting with others to watch it. Throughout the film, I expected exacerbated sighs with the possibility of people storming out in a theatrical way, arms flailing and spilling their popcorn. Instead, I don't think I've heard as many audible "amens" in a theater before. Which was interesting. And I heard a lot of sniffling from the manly dude a few rows over to my right.

I didn't expect such a non-reactive crowd. To my surprise, after the screening (which had the odd and unfortunate conclusion of having the film's credits mysteriously cut), Kevin Miller and Dave Rempel did their Q&A and it went quite well. Questions about justice, the conduct of the interviews and the fear of organized religion and the possibility of Kevin and Dave fearing for their lives; an odd question that Jared and I wondered about being a couched threat. That was when we started looking for the exits.

Fortunately, Kevin was more than able to answer the question and the Q&A resided to the lobby. I won;t lie, I still kept an eye out for that one guy who asked the weird question. I got to shake Dave's hand and we chatted for a few minutes. Like old friends. I asked him about the most difficult interview, and I won't spoil it but it involves the most tense interview in the film.

Then Kevin and I got to talk for a bit in the crowded lobby, which as awesome as it was, was not the highlight of my night, though it was quite close. I'm getting to that. It was finally cool to put a face to our many twitter and facebook conversations. Both Dave and Kevin were warm, open and just a joy to dialogue with.

After the Q&A, Jared and I meandered around the Block for a bit, finally settling for Jamba Juice. We talked about the experience and the theology of the film, and we started talking about the conclusions, if universalism and other views were indeed true, how should we then live?

How does this affect us personally as well as others and our relationships? What questions does it answer, what does it do for other questions? Since Jared and I thrive on deconstruction, this was both draining and exhilarating for me.

I won't get into specifics, but it was probably one of the deepest conversations I've had in months. I found myself saying those awful words, "I don't know" far more than I am usually comfortable with. And that felt good for once. The back and forth inspired by the film yielded exactly what the film set out to do:

Get us talking.

Especially over late nights, uncomfortable metal chairs and fruit smoothies.

--Nick